Pride Celebrations for the Quietly Contemplative

  • A gasp at intermission.

  • A nostalgic pilgrimage to the JCPenney underwear aisle.

  • An earnest attempt to bake a rainbow cake.

  • The subsequent purchase of a slice of rainbow cake.

  • A turbulent “trip to ‘Chromatica’ ” (listening to “Chromatica” on shuffle).

  • A triumphant march in your own personal Pride parade (the walk from
    your couch, where you were watching “Drag Race,” to your bed, to
    watch “Drag Race”).

  • A lengthy exhale in a single-stall, gender-neutral bathroom.

  • A blindfolded taste test of cold brews and iced coffees from the
    independent coffee shops in your local area.

  • Slowly pouring a vodka soda on your favorite shirt to simulate a
    night out.

  • A juvenile giggle at the memory that the Stonewall riots happened in
    1969 (nice).

  • Watching “Fire Island” in lieu of going to Fire Island.

  • Taking notes on RuPaul’s MasterClass as if there will be a quiz.

  • Circling—like a queer shark—the L.G.B.T.Q.I.A.+ Interest section of
    your local bookstore.

  • A juvenile giggle in the grocery store at the sight of a peach.

  • A juvenile giggle in the grocery store at the sight of an eggplant.

  • Eye contact with the grocery-store attendant who witnessed your peach
    and eggplant giggles.

  • Rewriting by hand the entirety of “The Velvet

    and “Zami: A New Spelling of My

  • Drawing a John Waters mustache and Trixie Mattel cheeks on your face
    using ninety-nine-cent cosmetics from CVS.

  • A Sunday-morning stroll holding two cups of iced coffee (both are for

  • A retracing of your first walk of shame.

  • The drafting of a think piece on the rainbow-washing of Pride and its
    alienation from its activist origins.

  • The subsequent deletion of your think piece.

  • A trip—in disguise—to the Target clearance rack on July 1st.

  • A wise smile during a rare moment of clarity—a vision of
    interconnectedness moving slowly toward progress, toward liberation,
    toward community.

  • A juvenile giggle at the word “community.” ♦

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