Like many individuals, I take advantage of TikTok as an escape, a fast dopamine-fueled distraction from the extraordinary world we reside in. Present me the silly dances! Give me the half-assed lip-syncing movies and foulmouthed toddlers! However someplace alongside the road, the handy-dandy algorithm determined to flood my feed with courting horror tales, particularly these of straight Black ladies.
The movies vary from calling out the best way colorism dictates many individuals’s courting preferences to doing the difficult job of differentiating between guys with Black woman fetishes and those that are genuinely feeling you for you. As a Black girl, I’m aware of these points and the frustrations that include them and recognize having a platform like TikTok to voice these very legitimate emotions and critiques. Who doesn’t love feeling seen and heard? However then again, I already have firsthand information of how shitty it might probably generally be making an attempt to fulfill new folks while you’re a Black girl.
That’s why respectfully—and guiltily—I’ve resorted to clicking that “Not interested” immediate when these movies pop up on my feed. You see, I’ve discovered that sustaining one’s sanity within the seek for love requires a certain quantity of delusion. As a result of despite the fact that I’m very a lot inquisitive about giving Black ladies the area to air their grievances, it seems that bingeing a gradual stream of tearful movies from ladies who seem like me will get disheartening actual fast.
All this due to TikTok movies, you ask? Not precisely. Since what seems like perpetually, social media, mainstream media, and society at giant have bombarded Black women and girls with messages casting our romantic prospects as doomed and despaired. My private courting experiences and people of my associates are only a tad much less drastic than what’s being portrayed on TikTok, however total, these catastrophe tales are a reasonably truthful illustration of what it’s like out right here. There’s no lack of reviews on Black ladies’s bleak match stats on courting apps and the ever-declining marriage charges keep in the news, in research studies, and throughout trending videos.
Don’t even get me began on the booming Black males–led trade of relationship recommendation, from the fact reveals to the speak reveals to the films and the self-help books. (Taking a look at YOU, Steve Harvey and Kevin Samuels.) Not even brunches or group chats are exempt from the convos. In every single place you look, there’s a wealth of discourse devoted to amplifying Black ladies’s extraordinary hurdles within the courting area and ruining my digital escape hatch.
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That’s why I’ve been scrolling proper previous the catastrophe date tales and exiting the app altogether every time I really feel overwhelmed by this kind of content material. I’ve even began following the cutesy couple accounts of Black ladies in love, the identical ones that may’ve in all probability nauseated my extra cynical previous self. Taking steps outdoors this echo chamber has given me a refreshing new outlook on relationships and what’s out there to me. A Pollyanna TikTok strategy could look like a small preservation instrument to some, however for me, it’s a transfer I’ve gotta make to keep away from continually feeling the affect of a heartbreak predetermined by society.
So if it’s unrealistic to anticipate all males to see Black ladies as the precious, lovely, and worthy human beings we’re, then I shall put on my clown nostril with satisfaction! Like, is that man leering at me on the road fetishizing me? By no means! Will I spend time unpacking creepy DMs that confer with me as an ebony/chocolate/brown sugar/Nubian queen? Go! I’m not fooling myself. I see and expertise what’s taking place. I’m simply not dedicating my treasured, senseless TikTok time to it anymore. I’m selecting peace and happiness, so assist me, God!
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