How to Last Longer In Bed

Whether you saw it in a steamy movie or on an (ethical!) porn site, marathon sex sessions are often viewed as the crème de la crème of the erotic world. And while minutes-only trysts like shower sex and quickies have their time and place, sometimes you just wanna slow things down. If you’re looking to make sex last longer—whether it’s for a romantic sesh or a new kinky sexpedition—learning how to delay your orgasm is the key to that go-all-night kind of lovin’.

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But before you grab some arousal products at your local gas station (also pls don’t do that), sex therapist Kristie Overstreet, PhD, says it’s important to note that the definition of “lasting long in bed” varies wildly from one person to another since we all view time, pleasure, and sex differently. That’s why Dr. Overstreet says communicating with your partner is essential since ultimately, it’s not the length of time that matters, but the pleasure and connection achieved.

And FWIW: Despite what you may have seen on screen, ASTROGLIDE’s resident sexologist Jess O’Reilly, PhD, adds that most people aren’t actually having 20-30 minute sex sessions. In fact, even though one study concluded the average length of intercourse is 5.4 minutes, Dr. Jess suspects most people aren’t really going that long. This is because folks tend to exaggerate when talking about their sexcapades due to perceived societal pressure, which definitely doesn’t help in the great sex department.

“If you get hung up on a hard penis going into a specific orifice for a specific amount of time, you may find that you’re both let down and distracted from the experience itself,” Dr. Jess says. But wanting to please your partner or try a new position is totally valid, which is why lots of people learn how to extend their sex sessions. If that’s the case, try some of these expert-recommended tips the next time you head to Pleasureville, no timers, clock staring, or thrust counting required.

1. Use a masturbation cup.

One of the best ways to learn and harness your own arousal is to understand it. And not to get all “coach” on you, but practice makes perfect.

While whoever’s trying to last longer can simply masturbate more the old school way (like, with their hand), you’ll actually get a lot more out of your training sesh by utilizing a sleeve or masturbation cup, like the Turboo from Tracy’s Dog. The dynamic penis vibrator mimics a body more than a hand, and the act of inserting and sitting back for pleasure is a much more effective way to learn to prolong reaching climax.

Turboo Automatic Masturbation Cup

Tracy’s Dog


2. Condoms are your friend.

I probs don’t need to tell you there are so many reasons to reach for a condom when having any type of sex, but I’m gonna say it anyway. They help protect against STIs and pregnancy. They make cleanup easier. They oftentimes make sex feel better for the receiver (since there are ribbed and lubed options out there). And if you’re trying to last longer in bed, international sex educator and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series, Kenneth Play, says condoms are basically like your secret weapon.

In general, condoms can slightly decrease sensitivity, but Play suggests trying thicker condom options if you really want to prolong the experience. Also, FYI, you never want to use two condoms at once because that greatly increases the chance of the condom ripping which = bad news for all around.

3. Reduce stimulation.

If you find yourself orgasming quicker than you’d like, it might be a matter of too much stimulation. That’s why Daniel Saynt, the founder of a private members’ sex club in NYC called The New Society for Wellness (NSFW), suggests exploring more ways to reduce sensitivity. “Consider desensitizing gels to extend your playtime [and] take time away from your own stimulation to focus on your partner’s,” he explains.

4. Change your goal.

Granted, orgasms are pretty great. But if the main goal of your sex sesh is to simply get off, you’re both gonna pay a lot of attention to the climax as opposed to the rest of the sex. And spoiler: The rest of the sex can be pretty damn great too.

“Make it an experience, not a one-and-done thing,” advises Claudia Aguirre, the co-founder and vice president of sex-positive travel brand, Luxury Lifestyle Vacations. Instead of just aiming to orgasm, Saynt adds you could instead try setting a different goal for your playtime like planning a BDSM scene, trying role play, or simply watching porn together.

5. Switch up the location.

Remember how on Sex and the City, Charlotte’s first husband, Trey MacDougal, had some problems getting aroused in bed but managed just fine in other places? I’m not advising you to get frisky in the back of a cab, but Aguirre says having sex in different locations can stop your body from expecting what comes next, and instead, be more in the moment.

“Doing something new creates a sense of excitement,” she explains, which in turn, can help your body stay grounded and avoid going on autopilot to completion. So yes, this means it’s time to sex on your couch, your kitchen table, and shower sex.

6. Take up Jiu Jitsu.

Learn a new hobby, get some prime IG content, and up your sex game? Yes, plz. “Martial artists learn to stay calm in stressful environments,” explains Play. “What triggers orgasm is sympathetic arousal (fight or flight), so if you learn to manage your arousal/stress level outside of sex, you’re more likely to do it in bed.” Jiu Jitsu can help you learn to manage your emotions and harness your arousal so you can pull back if you start to feel you’re getting to the point of no return, climax-wise.

      7. Set aside uninterrupted time for sex.

      Look, there’s nothing wrong with allotting time for sex on your calendar. I’m not saying you need to plan it every week, but sending your partner a sexy Gmail calendar invite for when you want to jump their bones is hooottt.

      And as for how this can help make sex last longer: “Carving out time in between meetings or other obligations will make you feel rushed and may negatively impact the experience,” says ob-gyn Tamika K. Cross, MD. Dedicate the whole evening (or morning or afternoon) to your sexcapade, my friend.

      8. Practice deep breathing techniques.

          Energy healer and tantric expert Ali Duncan suggests practicing your breath work. “Breath allows the energy to flow through the body in such a way that it takes the intensity of the sensations in the lower body and runs it through the rest of the body.”

          She says: “Breath can support full-body orgasms without rejection or a genital orgasm.” Try circle breathing and microcosmic orbit breath to practice, as they are the ones most practiced in tantra, suggests Duncan.

          9. Dabble in some CBD fun.

              “Use cannabis or CBD the next time you have sex,” says clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon, PhD, a sexuality expert with SexToyCollective.com. According to a study by cannabis delivery company Eaze and sex toy company Lioness, 73 percent of survey participants agreed that cannabis increased the length of their partnered sex. Oh, and CBD apparently increased the session by 51 percent, y’all. 51 percent!

              10. Remember that “sex” doesn’t just mean penetration.

              Everyone has a different definition of what sex means to them. In this context specifically, it’s important to keep in mind that “sex” doesn’t strictly mean penetration. It can also include loads, and loads, and loads of foreplay, kissing, and sensual touch like massage. Warming up will increase your odds of orgasm and this way, you won’t be totally bothered by penetration that only lasts a few minutes. Also, sex doesn’t have to end just because one of you orgasmed! Let that sink in for a sec.

              11. Have them tap into lower levels of arousal.

              Xanet Pailet, author of Living an Orgasmic Life, explains that sometimes people with penises who struggle to last long during sex are so highly aroused, they can’t prevent ejaculation from happening until it’s too late. “To be able to last longer during sex, [they] need to learn how to hang out at lower levels of arousal for long periods of time.”

              12. Try a penis ring.

              It’s not a one-size-cures-all solution, but as Carol Queen, PhD notes, some people find that a penis ring helps them last longer, so it’s worth a try. As Lisa Finn, brand manager and sex educator at Babeland, has told Cosmopolitan before, penis rings work by restricting the blood flow into the shaft of the penis, which can help maintain a stronger erection.

              13. Practice mindfulness.

              August McLaughlin, author of Girl Boner: The Good Girl’s Guide to Sexual Empowerment, says practicing mindfulness and breathing can also help slow ejaculation down. Bonus: Practicing mindfulness outside the bedroom can only help your game in bed too. “Use an app for guided meditation once a day or try mindful eating, where you focus on foods’ flavors and textures while avoiding distractions, such as your phone,” McLaughlin says.

              14. Focus on the other partner’s pleasure to take the pressure off.

              If things are getting too hot and heavy, McLaughlin recommends taking a step back and focusing the attention on the other partner’s pleasure instead. “When you stop what you’re doing once you’re super close to orgasm, then chill for a bit, then start again (sort of like sexual interval training),” arousal tends to skyrocket, she explains.

              15. Try training for it.

              Seriously! If this premature finishing situation doesn’t stem from a medical issue for either one of you, it’s always possible to just try…having more sex. For some couples, it’s a matter of sexual endurance conditioning. Think of it the same way you’d go to a gym to get stronger. This is especially helpful if the partner in question doesn’t masturbate very often. I’m aware this sounds incredibly unsexy, but taking some of the novelty out of it can extend the time before an orgasm feels inevitable.

              16. Have them use toys on you.

              Sure, this might feel like “cheating” a little, but that shouldn’t matter when it comes to making sure you both orgasm. If your partner can’t last long enough for you to finish, wait until they’re close but not there yet and let them tag out and use a vibrator on you. Then they can tag back in when you’re both close to the finish line.

              17. Spend more time on foreplay.

              Yes, it might make the intercourse part a little shorter, but spending more time on foreplay so you’re more warmed up will extend the sex session on the whole and make sure you’re both satisfied.

              18. Have them masturbate beforehand.

              If you’ve seen There’s Something About Mary, you know having sex without masturbating is “like going out there with a loaded gun.” Ejaculating an hour or two beforehand makes it harder for anyone to come quickly. As Dr. Jane Greer, relationship expert and family therapist, puts it, “You can build up arousal again with slow and intimate foreplay with your partner, so the person’s excitement is initially satisfied and they can better pace themself and sync up with their partner’s rhythm.”

              19. Take advantage of the refractory period.

              Who says sex needs to be limited to just one session? This one won’t work for everyone, but marriage therapist Lisa Thomas recommends starting things up again a few minutes after the first ejaculation of the sesh. “Many people with penises experience less sensitivity during the second erection,” Thomas explained. As long as you don’t mind waiting the few minutes (or switching back to foreplay), and they can get it up relatively quickly, you should have better results in round two.

              20. Try something new and out of the ordinary in bed.

              When you’ve been with the same partner for a while, your routine sex positions can make their body anticipate orgasm, and thus, make them cum a lot sooner. New positions and sensations will distract them and make them last longer. “The more (consensually) awkward and unfamiliar, the better,” says Greer.

              21. Try edging.

              When they’re about to orgasm, have them stop and wait about a minute or so before going back at it. Everyone has an orgasmic point of no return, an “ejaculatory inevitability,” as sex researcher Dr. Ian Kerner puts it. Edging trains their body to delay that point so they can spend more time on the edge (and more time pleasing you).

              22. Squeeze the base of your partner’s penis.

              If you are sexing with a penis owner, this is an old one that comes courtesy of sex researchers Masters and Johnson. You can do this with your hand or using a cock ring. It quite literally stops them from ejaculating. Think of it like bending a hose in half to stop the flow of water, but definitely do not bend the penis in half under any circumstances. Just give it a firm grip.

              23. Do your workouts with sex in mind.

              Kegels, yoga, and pilates all strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which help you control orgasm spasms. And hi, yes, penis-havers can do Kegels too. Find a workout you can do together or practice solo and compare notes the next time you’re naked in the bed post-gym.

              24. Try perpendicular sex positions.

              This is technically an outercourse position (sex that doesn’t involve vaginal intercourse), but it’s still a way to avoid the most sensitive areas of the genitals, whether you’re having P in the V sex or not. Spooning or facing each other on your sides is super enjoyable and can help slow down anyone who rushes to orgasm.

              25. Medicate.

              In some situations, your partner may want to consider seeing a doctor. A variety of prescriptions are available if premature ejaculation is a serious issue that’s negatively affecting your relationship. And while there are over-the-counter supplements that tout their ability to improve stamina, your best bet is to go through someone who knows what they’re talking about. Penis-havers can check in with a urologist to see what the issue is and what steps can be taken. And again as a general note, it’s *always* best to avoid supplements you can buy at a gas station.

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